My close brothers and sisters who I commonly refer to as wadau are worried of my perceived absence from the new world called social media. Mercy I give to those saying I have gone off the radar but none I give to those peddling some exaggerated social discourse that nimeomoka—slang for making it financially. These exaggerated social discourses literally leave me in tears; tears of joy that people see signs of kuomoka in me and worse even, tears that they don’t know the sad state my physical and e-wallets are.
Lemme hahaha my way into this issue, clear the air, and dismantle some of the inexactitudes ( that’s how I refer to lies) and conspiracy theories that my wadaus have put out there. “Hey bro I see you landed that job with that NGO! Hence you’re so quiet!” Hahaha brother thank you for the wishes. No bro, the application needed ten years experience and you know I am not even a graduate; just a graduand awaiting Goldalyn Kakuya’s speech on hardwork and dedication. What was the name of that university? However, I am still hoping that my uncles live up to their words; maliza shule ulete makaratasi! Such a bold and underlined statement.
You see, I went for an excursion away from jiji (as referred to by my folks down coast) to my aboard at the coastal lands of Kenya to greet my family, friends and supporters among other humdrum duties like collecting my debts and checking if that lanky local drunk lad wails at night after filling his belly with tupa ya uchi (bottle of palm wine). Most importantly I had to come and try to workout or rather walk out the belly fat that had began accumulating. Njoro’s mutura base is the only junk food site I visit. That’s to debunk the other exaggerated social discourse that I am a regular customer of KFC and it’s peers.
Having explained my financial and physical conditions it’s time to put a lid on the relationships quagmire. I am still at logger heads with my ‘close acquaintances’ that claim that I’m quiet because I married. I feel that my detractors want to keep me out of the market and hence I have to issue a stern statement that ‘you favorite guy is still on the shelves, fresh and juicy as always’. On a second take, the rumor that a member of the fairer sex has taken more that cursory interest in me and spirited me off to some part of the coast is a mere fallacy. Only Jesus Christ has taken me in and the only meal I am getting served is the sweet word of God. Do I even have to explain that factors such as poverty, lack of infrastructure, joblessness, and lack of amenities cannot let me culture that idea; my mum and dad put aside.
Furthermore, as a die hard blues fan I can only find solace away from these streets filled with Manchester United fans. Second on the table they are and security they demand from the president citing they have too many points in the premier league. Bruno, Pogba and Rashford is all they can tell you about. Nothing important like how we can curtail graft in Kenya or reduce the corona figures. Where did these people come from?? Lemme spare wayward Arsenal fans like Enock, Eddy, John, Isaac, Rono, and your newly acquired Judith. They need therapy sessions. Just to add on the sports bulletin, my NFL team Kansas City Chiefs and NBA new team Washington Wizards are doing fine.
On politics, Ruto, UDP, BBI, and Sonko, dynasties and hustler nations I’d rather not comment. But I am a hustler that believes in a free country with minimal government. I plan not to waste time queuing to cast something that is likely not to count.
I hope this piece answers the many questions as to why I stopped writing. I did not stop but rather took a deep breath.
As I conclude, wadaus you’re still in my circle and forever you’ll be. It’s 2021, the start of another decade. I can’t wait to see you succeed and achieve your dreams. Let’s toast to more.